...and I couldn't stop eating them...

I found myself saying these words today. Words that I'm guessing at least 80% of people have said. For some people, it might just be a reference to how delicious something was. For dieters it is said with a baffled look that seems to say "I was doing so good on my diet until those Pringles came along and sabatoged me!".

Unfortunately I'm going to have to call BS. On me especially. I roll my eyes when I hear all of the excuses that are produced for not eating right or not exercising. No time, don't like veggies, too out of shape; whatever it is can be overcome with a lot of hard work, a lot of determination, and a lot of patience. And part of my eye rolling is because I put in the work, lost the weight, and have kept it off. But I had bad days, weekends, weeks, meals, etc. I wasn't perfect but I continued to pick myself back up and keep plugging on.

Now that the weight goal has been acheived, I still struggle with bad days, weekends, weeks, and meals. I struggle with trying to find out the best way to fuel my body as I put it through a rigourous training program. I struggle to continue to eat clean, whole foods while keeping a budget, life, and picky eater husband in focus. But while I can empathize with these struggles, I know that is still comes down to a lot of hard work, a lot of determination, and a lot of patience. That's why I mentally slapped myself once I realized that I had actually said--out loud to someone--"I couldn't stop eating them". The 'them' being the jelly beans my husband bought last night.

It all started with him having a craving for them. I told him I'd been craving them for weeks but hadn't done anything about it. That was the only push he needed to buy a bag. I started out well and only had a serving for 'dessert'. But somewhere in between dessert and bed time, I proceeded to polish off a good chunk of the bag. I wasn't hungy. I wasn't even really taking the time to enjoy and savor them. And I even had to get up and walk across the room each time I wanted to get another handful! I can talk about the platitudes of "my body needed more calories" or "you give your body sugar, it craves sugar". Maybe, or maybe I lost control.

But it was mine to lose. It is my finger on the trigger, and I pulled it to blow away my good food day. "I couldn't stop eating them" was not true. I chose to continue to eat them. I chose to consume the extra calories, fill my body with junk, and turn off any part of me that might have said "STOP". Those poor defenseless jelly beans had no blame in how I consumed them. The jelly bean makers had no blame. My husband who bought them had no blame. Even my issues with food had no blame. I have it all. I chose. I don't mean to sound overly harsh or brow beating of myself, but only want to point out that maybe if I continued to recognize my power over my decisions, I would make better ones in the future. Maybe if I stop making excuses, I can start taking action toward a better life. Maybe if I realize that this was one time, one day, one slip, I can move on and forget it. Because while we have the power to avoid making the bad decision to begin with, we also have the power to not let the same decision control us.

And with a lot of hard work, a lot of determination, and a lot of patience, we can all get closer to Ness.

In Pursuit,

Sarah