What's next syndrome

I don't think I am alone in my affliction with 'what's next' syndrome. I hear lots of people lay out their plans weeks & months in advanced. And sometimes when someone is discussing a particular event they are looking forward to, they might finish by saying "but then nothing really after that" almost apologetically. As if they know we all have to have something that is next.

I'm done with my first week of marathon tapering. In two very short weeks, by this time I will be reveling in the soreness resulting from finishing a marathon. I've been working toward this for weeks and am very excited at the prospect of re-entering the marathoning world after such a long hiatus. But with my mileage decreasing, I've had some extra time on my hands and all I can think about is what I will do to make the fall marathon I run even better. I don't know what 'better' will be since I haven't run the first one, but my mind is contemplating which cross training activities or running strategies will make the fall race great. And it doesn't even stop there. I'm also thinking about what I'll do over the winter. I wasn't happy with the mileage I put in before starting training, so what do I need to do to be at a comfortable level this winter?

In September, Matt will be 1 year away from beginning his student teaching. Which means he will be 1 year & 1 semester away from graduating. And after that, we have to find out what he will do for work before he can teach the following fall. And then where will he teach?

And where does all of this fit in with plans to have kids? Buy a house? WHAT'S NEXT???

It's really quite exhausting when you realize how much mental energy goes into planning the future. And so often we get to the point we were waiting for and can't believe how quickly the time flew. Before I know it, we'll be house shopping and looking for baby clothes and I won't be able to believe that it was only x number of years since we were just waiting for...life.

All of this forward thinking can really get in the way of just living our life. If we are only worried about what comes next, we can never enjoy the now. I am constantly wondering what waking up an extra 15 minutes early might allow me to fit in work out wise this summer instead of enjoying the extra sleep I can get now.

This isn't a very helpful blog. I don't have an answer of how to live and enjoy each moment. Because even when I feel like I might be doing just that, I know somewhere in my mind the next thing will always be lurking. Even my title "Pursuit of Ness" calls to mind something that is always out there waiting for us. Maybe that isn't something we can change. After all, anticipation is sometimes greater than the reward. So maybe having something be 'next' is what keeps us moving forward. But today, I think I want to just pursue Now. I want this moment, this evening, this today. We don't have a guarantee for anything else, so let's try to enjoy what is already ours. Now.

In Pursuit (of now),

Sarah